Hamster Power!

Alternatives to hamster power

There are several alternatives to hamster power, which have been discussed, and rapidly dismissed by our staff. These are:

Getting the helpers and opers to pedal exercise bikes, rigged up to generators - This was deemed too tiring, and we are lazy.
Use of guinea pigs instead of hamsters. Guinea pigs are larger and can therefore generate more energy, and this was actually seriously considered until one of our users pointed out that guinea pigs do not run on wheels. In the end, the guinea pigs we had purchased for testing ended up being eaten for dinner.
Burning wretches and packet kiddies on a furnace. This was also considered seriously, but it proved too effective a deterrent and these types of users stopped visiting ChatSpike when threatened with incineration.
Generating electricity from the kinetic energy of the floor underneath the datacenter technicians feet. This was considered until we realised that our datacenter technicians do not actually move so the energy generated would be close to nil.
Actually paying our electricity bills. This was thrown out as absurd.